Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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