i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
