I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
