I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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