i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you inspire me to be a worse person
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
