OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
