the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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