I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
