I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
