she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
