at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
