his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
