I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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