There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
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Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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