my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wish my penis had a tongue
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
