I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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