just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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