Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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