I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
