I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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