we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
