i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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