I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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