I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
