I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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