I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
