I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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