I'm jealous of your bromance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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