My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
