Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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