Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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