Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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