after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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