I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
