He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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