saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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