Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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