One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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