guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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