i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
