i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
