what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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