dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
