So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
