i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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