That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
