Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
