dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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