no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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