Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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