five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
