Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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