You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
