whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
