Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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