All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
