having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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