Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
