Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
