im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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