He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
