I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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