I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
