smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like abortions should bother me more
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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