I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
