he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
