Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
