I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
