Can i not drive my cunt home
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
